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I Was a Stranger...
By Mike Bennett

Some of the congregation just could not accept someone as "odd" as "Carlene," and started spreading awful rumors. How could she feel comfortable coming back to a church where people labeled others without even knowing them?

o you remember the first time you stepped in the door of your church? Were you a little apprehensive, nervous or unsure of yourself? Did you feel like an outsider, a stranger -- an alien?

I remember well the first time I visited the congregation where my family now attends. I was on a pre-move trip to a part of the country I'd never been before, and I was there alone, without my family. I'd already uprooted my kids twice in the last three years and was not looking forward to doing it again. And my mother-in-law's first and uncharacteristic comment after hearing of our possible move was, "I have to tell you, that's not a very nice place to live!"

But my feelings of uncertainty were quickly washed away with the warm and welcoming attitudes of many of those I met. I especially remember an elder who greeted me with a big smile and friendly handshake. He asked about my wife and children, and months later when we moved, he remembered their names! We could feel the love that Jesus said would be the hallmark of His Church (John 13:35).

While most members do their best to warmly welcome newcomers, there are unfortunately some isolated cases where this has not been the case. Recently a woman sent me the following true story about an incident that happened some time ago.

"...And you did not take Me in"

"The first time 'Carlene' [name and some details have been changed] attended our local Sabbath service, I was a little taken aback. She was wearing pants, a country western shirt and loafers. Her hair was short and there was very little about her that was feminine. She spoke and laughed rather loudly like someone not used to being quiet. However, as I got to know her, I learned she had been a camp director for a wilderness camp for young people and had managed a horse ranch most of her life. That helped explain her dress and behavior.

"She talked to me about the expected dress for church, and I gave her the principle that we put on our best to come before God. Understanding the slacks and shirt she was wearing were the best she had, I did not pursue the subject further. It was clear she was delighted to be in Church and anxious to learn of God.

I especially remember an elder who greeted me with a big smile and friendly handshake.
"But not everyone was so accepting. I heard comments from some of the members that they thought she should be told to wear a dress. Others were more concerned with her hair and somewhat masculine behavior. I tried to make them understand that having lived on a remote ranch most of her life, she was different from them, but she truly wanted to know more about God and His way. I said God would work with her in His way.

"After a few Sabbaths, one particular woman told me Carlene was acting inappropriately toward some of the brethren in the Church. She got this notion, I suppose, because Carlene liked to touch people on the arm or shoulder when making a point.

"She was obviously a very earthy woman and had told me she slapped the ranch hands on the back when telling them stories or congratulating them on work well done. She'd put her hand on my shoulder when telling me a particularly funny story. But I saw nothing in it. We all touched and hugged each other in greeting and no one had ever complained about such things before. God calls all sorts of people and, to my mind, though she might have been a little child where godly things were concerned, she was being called, of that I felt certain.

"Sadly, some of the congregation just could not accept someone so 'odd,' and more unsavory comments spread throughout the congregation. Inevitably, of course, Carlene heard them. She called me in tears that day telling me of the awful rumors she'd heard. She'd thought she'd found God's Church, she said, and had never expected to be treated like an outcast among God's people.

"I tried to console her and make her understand we weren't all that way, but the damage had been done. She didn't feel comfortable coming back to a church where people labeled others without even knowing them. She left, never to return.

"Did those who spread rumors about Carlene know she was married with two grown children? Did they know her husband had been very much against her coming to Church, and each Sabbath she'd had to travel over a hundred miles to attend? Did they know she had no extra money for clothes and had sold some personal items in order to pay for her transportation?"

Help, don't hinder

She called me in tears that day telling me of the awful rumors she'd heard.
Some coming to our congregations might seem odd or do things we are uncomfortable with, such as talk too loudly, stand too close or have some strange habit we don't like. But, if God is calling them, how can we reject them? Remember, Jesus was criticized for associating with and encouraging people others regarded as unworthy (Matthew 9:10-13).

Are we not all the weak of the world? In 1 Corinthians 1:27 it says, "But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty." God looks at the heart and attitude of a person. Paul goes on to show in 1 Corinthians 8 the importance of not becoming a stumbling block for the weak (verse 9).

Called to change

Of course God expects us to change ourselves, to strive to overcome the weaknesses that put others off. We are to have a teachable attitude and to learn to dress and act appropriately for church services. That is part of the love we show for others and for God.

We're a family. We are responsible to welcome and nurture all of God's people.
Sometimes a minister or a mentor in the Church will need to guide someone to see something that needs to be changed. One minister told me of some scary looking young men who came to church to learn. And over time one of them did learn and lost the combat boots, militant garb and distinctive hairstyle. He became an active, leading member in the congregation.

I also heard of a young man who began to attend services who had long hair, way past his shoulders. No one criticized him, but the pastor after a few weeks spoke to him. He said that perhaps he had observed that the men in the congregation did not have long hair. He also discussed with him the scriptures about men's hair length, such as 1 Corinthians 11:14. The young man was a bit upset, but after about three weeks or so he returned to services -- with short hair! He is now a baptized member and a young leader in the congregation.

Welcome to the family!

We're a family. We are responsible to welcome and nurture all of God's people. Instead of shunning those who seem odd or unsociable, we have the opportunity to get to know them, love them, support them and help them.

Then Christ can say, "I was a stranger and you took Me in" (Matthew 25:35).

Recommended reading

For information about building right relationships and friendships, please see the chapter .

Copyright 2007 by United Church of God, an International Association All rights reserved.


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Keywords: stranger hospitality welcoming 

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